History was made….

February has been an extremely busy month for me, and the sad part is the month is not even over. This month has consisted of Valentine’s Day party, basketball games (my husband’s and History’s), errands for History’s school Mad Hatter Gala, basketball games, we managed a Valentines date, basketball games, field trips, History turned 5, and did I say basketball games.  This month has be one of those high anxiety months for me.  It does not matter how much I plan, because I will always have anxiety up until the day of the event.

I think my anxiety stems from wanting things to go over smoothly, not wanting to forget any detail, and then seeing everything play out.  The other issue I have is that I am one of those over the top moms (yes I can admit it) that goes all out on the smallest things.  It’s one of those hobbies I talked about in my earlier post where it gives me something to do and lets me be heavily involved in my child’s life.  No need to worry moms I am not competing for the best mom award! We are all amazing moms especially, when we manage to juggle our lifestyles with everything else we have going on.

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(Valentine’s Card found on pinterest/mask ordered off amazon)

 

My husband and I managed somehow to squeeze in a Valentine’s Day date.  Now, we never plan to go out on Valentine’s Day: 1) Everyone else is out 2) He usually has a game 3) During basketball season you can never plan out anything, because your plans most always never fall through.  My advice is to just always have a couple of good sitters on hand that can come over spare of the moment at times.

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I mentioned not planning things, but something’s you have take a gamble on.  History’s birthday was one of those gambles.  I knew I wanted a party for him this year because he turned 5-years-old.  Well, first thing I did was looked at the day his birthday fell on, looked at the game schedule, and booooom! The date I chose was his actual birthday.  The day before his birthday was a home game and the day after was Presidents Day I couldn’t lose.  All I needed was a silent prayer that the team would win there Saturday game, so they wouldn’t have Sunday practice.  And with all the planning I started in December my plan worked out nicely. And History was made!

 

Invites Esty/goodies and bag Amazon

 

Craft I came up with(paper plates, tissue paper, yarn, brown pom poms, and construction paper)/hats and aprons Amazon (ordered by the set)/iron on letters(Michaels)/Pizza making(Joe’s Pub)/cupcake(local bakery)

 

 

 

“You wasn’t wit me shooting in the gym……..”

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This is a post that holds a special place in my heart. To those wives that are experiencing the small college with a small budget.  If no one else feels you or see’s you I do! It was the best of times it was the worst of times (Charles Dickens voice).  We had very little money, we had History (our son), and my husband hustled so hard for something that paid nothing.   OK I take that back it afforded us to eat like we did when we were college students.  This was around the time when I became the “This Pays the Bills” spouse. Now, if you are doing the math my husband was an assistant coach at Cumberland University before becoming a head coach at Columbia.  This is when I started feeling the effects of him coaching.  Drakes lyric, “You wasn’t wit me shooting in the gym, you wasn’t wit me shooting in the gym,” rings so vivid to me. Why? Because, ladies if you can’t be with your husband/boyfriend at the Juco level; to be honest this life style may not be for you.

Columbia State gave us our start the beginning of a life that I now wouldn’t trade for anything.  So, let’s start by saying my husband’s first season at Columbia state was not the best we went 11-16 or something like that. It’s all a blur because it was that bad. I started to second guess our decision and wondered why my husband was grinding so hard for something that was barely helping us make ends meet.  He was driving an hour to work, and game nights were stressful because I would work and then spend an hour in traffic, plus the hour commute.  This is when I realized we would never ride in the car again together.

First, came love then came marriage then came History in the baby carriage. Well not exactly, first came love, and came History, and then the marriage.  Then came a 28-4 year and nationals, some would say this was a great year.  And it was, don’t get me wrong it was a grand year.  But, again we struggled, we had History, so we would stay up taking turns getting him, but it mostly came down to me, because I nursed.  I would wake up go to work (which required travel some days), pick History up, and on game days we would travel to Columbia State for games.   Now, let me tell you something those ladies in the Athletic Department were something special.  Those game nights they made sure we ate, I didn’t have to cook or stop to get something eat.  Those ladies were special and didn’t even know it.

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Our third and final year was a special year for us 26-7 a regional tournament win and back to Nationals.  This was our final year although we didn’t know it at the time.   My perspective of my husband’s coaching career changed.  I realized this was more than a job for him it was lifestyle.  His bond with his players was deniable the best relationship a coach could have with players.  I began to fall in love with the game and have a passion for something I thought I would never have.  Those endless night’s my husband stayed up writing plays on post-it notes; us housing players, because they couldn’t go home; him bringing uniforms home to wash; and spending money out of our pockets because of the non-existent school budget to get necessities for the program.  It was all worth it, I began to see a clearer picture.

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Life gets better ladies; I am here to encourage you.  You will get to a point in life that you will be able to reflect on those struggle days.  I am more than grateful for the opportunity that Columbia State gave our family.  I am forever indebted to those ladies in the athletic department that provided hot meals for my family.  I am grateful for CState-Mafa who believed in my husband’s dreams, goals, and ambition to lead them.  To the Columbia State community that supported my husband’s dream and help assist our family in our success I cannot thank you enough.   To the ladies going through the struggle and straddling the fence of your coaching lifestyle again I see you and know I have been there.  Believe in your husband support your husband, it will only get better. 

What has been your Juco experience? What’s your story?

 

Mom’s Night Out!

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Soooo, last night I had a girls’ night! Whoooo Hooooo! To all the moms who are able to escape their hectic lives to live a little.  Last night was one of mine! Went out with a group of ladies that were all moms and there for the same reason I was-wine! And lots of it!

 

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You deserve to get out every now and again. No, really, with all the cooking, taming your husband/boyfriend and children you do its definitely well deserved.   Jada Pinckett-Smith once told her daughter, Willow. If she did not take time for herself from time to time her skills as her mother would not be as sharp as they are.  So, I want to challenge all the wives and girlfriends to coach’s, to take time for them.  You cannot be your best self unless you self care.  I know you’re saying to yourself, “Do you know how hard that is?” Trust me I know it’s hard, but even if its five minutes in your car before you get the kids from school, lock yourself in the bathroom and take a bubble bath, if your husband is home for an hour go to the grocery store for a minute by yourself, and if at all possible schedule a night out with the ladies.  Trust me these small things sometimes help you gain at least a week’s worth of sanity back.  Help you and help your family by being as sane as you can!

 

 

 

2 Types of Significant Others

 

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Let’s make this clear there are two different types of significant other’s.  There is the “This Pays the Bills” girlfriend/wife and the “Passionate” wife/girlfriend. There is a difference in the two and I want to be the person to help determine which category you fall under.

 

The “This Pays the Bills” girlfriend/wife she is the one that usually doesn’t know much about basketball, so she does not understand how someone can put so much into the game.  So when she begins a relationship with a coach it is very difficult in the beginning and sometimes years down the road how a person can spend so much time on something that only puts money in his pocket to pay bills. This girlfriend/wife feels a person should separate themselves from their passion at points. Basically, while they do understand their  S/O’s passion is apart of them they also believe that it shouldn’t interfere with time with loved ones; it should be something that you leave when it’s time to go home and not pick back up until the next day when it is time for you to go back in to work. This passion should not consume one’s everyday thinking.  She wants to know, “Why can’t you just take off? “Or “Why can’t you come to this event with me?” She does not understand why she has to be alone at home so much.  Why she has to explain to her family and friends, “Why her husband/boyfriend is not there?” Yes, this girl attends games and supports team events, but has not completely bought into her husband/boyfriends dreams, goals, and passion for the game.  Sometimes it takes years for this girl to get it, and sometimes this girl never gets it. So, she walks away from something that could have been so great if she had just taking the time to understand.  I think at some point in our S/O’s career we all fall under the “This Pays the Bills,” category.  And sometimes we eventually understand, this is their passion and begin to have an understanding for the love our significant others have for this life.

 

This leads to the “Passionate” girlfriend/wife, she is sometimes the girl that knows and understands basketball because she has played herself or grew up around it.  Sometimes she is the girl that may not have played, but her S/O’s passion is so strong it inspires her. She sees that passion is what drives him to get up in the morning and go to work.  When she begins a relationship with a coach his passion for his coaching may be the very thing that drew her to him.  She seen the hard work, dedication, and commitment one could have for something they love. Yes, this girl feels lonely at times; angry that her husband/boyfriend is not around for special occasions, and frustrated that life revolves around coaching.  She knows that to be a part of this passion she has to get involved, find a hobby for herself, and figure out how she can balance her life with his life so that they can continue this journey together.  Sometime it takes this girl years to become this passionate girl, but once she gets it she will never turn her back on her husband/boyfriend.

Are either of these girls wrong in their thoughts and feelings? How can you be so sure about your answer? Can you start off as one of these girls and end up the other girl? Rather you are the first girl or the second girl, one thing I do know for sure is that this life is not an easy one.  And it is not cut out for everyone.  But do understand if/when you are involved with a coach you must become the passionate one in order to enjoy your journey together.

10 Survival Tips for Coach’s Wives

  1. Wine (Lot’s of it!) or your drink of choice.
  2. Coach’s Wives (They are in this with you!)
    1. Once a month outings
    2. Watch party’s ( get snacks and watch the game with one another)
    3. They also help keep up with events going on (husbands forget).
  3. Get Involved with Team Activities (the season is long and only will get longer if you are not involved).
    1. If your husband invites you go!
    2. Feed the team (break it up, so you don’t go broke trying to feed everyone)
    3. Most important go to the games
    4. Learn player names (treat them like family)
  4. Babysitter (When hubby’s off take advantage of it!)
  5. Find A Hobby (keep busy)
    1. Exercising
    2. Reading
    3. DIY projects
  6. Carry Cash (Parking attendants only take cash)
  7. Take an Immune Booster (Elderberry is my favorite) You are around many people during games protect you and your child(ren)’s immune system.
  8. Do Not Take a Purse for Away Games (most stadiums do not allow book bags, diaper bags, or purses bigger than a wallet) (Disclaimer: College games I am not sure about high school).
  9. Good Friends (that you do not have to talk basketball and can take fabulous trip with)
  10. Pamper Yourself (Taking care of everyone else’s needs will leave you exhausted)

Married 2 Basketball

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Hi! My name is Lakeya and I am the wife to a college basketball coach, a mother, and former social services worker.  My decision to start a blog was the experiences that I have had along my journey, so far.  No, I am not as seasoned as most in this lifestyle, but I have been a part of my husband’s journey for 11 years now.  I think this score’s me a couple of brownie points.

 

So, let me start by giving you a little of our back story. Picture it, Sicily (In my Sophia voice from Golden Girls)…I met my husband when he was a G.A. (Graduate Assistant) finishing up his masters and I was just starting to venture into my social services career.  After finishing his Master’s program he began coaching at a NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) school as an assistant coach.  For two young adults this was great, we were making decent money, just us two, and no kids. After three seasons he left and landed a coaching position at a Junior college.  Now, while his career was progressing so did our relationship and home life. We had our son, History; we married; and had very little money.  I worked, but understand Social Service jobs are not high paying when you have a family.  My husband drove an hour to work every day (gas was like paying a car note).   Then, at the end of our 3rd season at the Junior college, which was a Championship year for us! My husband received a call! WE WERE MOVING!

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Moving, as I would eventually learn, is fact of life being married to a coach. However, the first move was not a bad move at all! We became close to a lot of people we would consider family.  This move also introduced me to a career change, another fact of life in this lifestyle.  I became an instructional assistant (professional fruit snack opener) at one of the elementary schools.  Probably my most favorite job ever! But after the first move came the second move. Two seasons in and a championship we packed our bags and moved farther than before.

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Our second move is our most current move and we have been here since August.  During this move I became a stay-at-home mom and wife.  We were introduced to a great family who also is a part of the team.  So far everything is looking good; the only downside is the chilling, disrespectful winds of the Midwest.

 

But as you can see the title of my blog fits my life. On this blog I want to share stories, pictures, and ideas with women like myself in hopes to help you along your journey as a wife, girlfriend, and mother.  It definitely is not easy, but we have fun with it.  This lifestyle is also different from most traditional working-class households where there are two parents or one parent that work a 9 to 5 and are able to come home most nights to see their family.  I want to be a resource for those of you just starting out, or a place of support for women seasoned in this lifestyle. Trust me no one can prepare you for this lifestyle, but it is helpful when you know someone has been there and done what you are about to go through or are going through.